music: you and I both - jason mraz
reading: atlas shrugged - ayn rand

goddammit, why am I so sad?

there's all these things with my job - and therefore, the one huge hobby/pasttime that I love - that is causing me so much confusion and pain right now.

and every time I really start thinking about it, I think about how I really wish that things were different. I wish things were good and a decision was made and that I could make things happen like I used to.

and I'm confused about other things. confused about things that could change my life. but there's no use getting into that.

I just wish I had some solid direction.