music: jazzy Chicago airport Christmas music
reading: flight departure screens

I am at O'Hare. Stuck.

Like, really stuck. The Big O pretty much shuts down completely should a single flake of snow fall from the sky. I can't imagine what would happen if a dust bunny suddenly drifted their way... probably mass panic and every airline rerouting everything to Detroit.

But I digress.

It has been a long time, a very long time, since I have been stuck in O'Hare. Normally, I route myself through Midway which is closer to home (NW Indiana) and also a much smaller, easier to navigate airport. I always somehow forget the charm of O'Hare and the added bonus that I must drive right into the Chicago skyline off 94 to make it here. I always take Southwest into Midway, my mom picks me up, and that's that.

Oh, but this time, we decided to have a travel agent book all of our flights for us. Although I do have to admit that the perk of having someone worry about travel issues for me is, quite frankly, pretty awesome, I felt kind of uneasy leaving my traveling in the hands of another. Ask coworkers, my family, my friends, even my fiance, and they'll all tell you that I'm the worst traveler in the history of traveling. Literally, the worst. Every time I travel, there is luggage lost, planes delayed, absurd illness, or some other minor traveling catastrophe that causes me enough heartburn to star in my own commercial.

I love it, though. I wouldn't give it up for the world. I'm actually leaving my job very soon, and so I guess it's only fitting that for my very last work trip, I've been stuck at O'Hare and surrounding areas for approximately 28 hours. Oh, given that I was picked up and stayed home for a night, it's been a comfortable stay. However, I am very disappointed in the fact that with this delay, my fiance John's prophecy comes true - everyone gets delayed at O'Hare, always.

I can say with all honesty that this delay has been a pretty pleasant one. I watched the Dallas/Detroit game (and what a finale after the two minute warning!), got some decent grub, have had my absolute share of Starbucks while here (we're currently on 7 grande Caramel Apple Ciders in two days), and my voice has come back enough to where I do not sound like a braying donkey but instead like Marianne Faithfull. Sounds decent to me. But overall, I have learned - nay, taught myself - a valuable lesson about airport etiquette and the proper way to handle a situation like mine especially after the absolute crap and time-wasting I have put the good folks of United through during my O'Hare stay.

My original flight to the 'vegas was cancelled, and I was rebooked to a 10 am flight the following day. Well, this was not good enough for Little Miss Impatient, and I took advantage of United's colorful little screens and pretty much pwned them into getting me on a flight at 4 pm during the same day. While waiting on that flight, my donkey voice got worse and I sounded pretty terrible, with patches where my voice would go out completely and I could only speak in a breathy whisper. I started coughing and hacking and finally got a little fed up (with myself) and figured if I could wait in a gate area, I could wait in a Customer Service line to figure out if 'vegas had a weather hold put on them.

When I got there, I tried extra hard to make sure there was no disdain in my voice, no anger or self-righteousness, no entitlement. I simply asked what they thought - would this flight get through? After a few minutes of being candid, the lady at the desk told me she didn't think so.

I asked her about the evening's flight, and she said it was questionable. I told her I had originally been rebooked on an earlier flight, but took the liberty of rebooking myself again. I weighed my options, and amidst my better judgment, asked to get on the later flight. Good thing I did, because I found that I would have been a standby anyway with a list about ten people long. Well, my mind's made up, lady - get me on a flight tomorrow. After some small talk about the weather and some reviewing the schedule, I put on my best meterologists' coat and reviewed the Doppler reading on the screen. I asked about some flights, and found the early flight was booked, but managed to get on a 7:30 pm flight for the next day. I went home, watched the Colts win, and slept for twelve hours. A win for me!

The next morning, I woke up at 10:30 to a warning from my mother - get on an earlier flight or else you'll get hit by the second round of Chicago weather. I got on the phone with United, explained my situation, and again - no entitlement, no anger. After all, what am I going to do? There's nothing they can do about things they can't help.

(side note - if I haven't learned that lesson about a THOUSAND TRILLION times at my current job, lord help me.)

And again, even in the midst of a terrible day for this guy on the phone (I found out over 400 flights had been cancelled at O'Hare, many of them United), he was awesome and got me a seat on the 4:30 flight. Although I booked through a travel agent and had to get my seat assignment at the gate (another HUGE downfall), he said he'd made a note on my reservation that I would like a window seat, and was there anything else at all that he could do for me? I thanked him profusely and heard him thank me as well before he hung up, presumably to be yelled at by someone who is VERY IMPORTANT and needed to get on a flight IMMEDIATELY (as I had heard twice - yes twice - at the airport the day before).

I got to the airport and no surprise, after changing my flight three times, the happy shiny computer with the brightly colored pictures said No, Amanda, Your Itinerary Has A Problem. I picked up the little phone and spoke to another very sad, very stressed sounding man. My new happy, easygoing, friend-of-United persona was happy to speak to the person, who after twenty minutes and lots of apologizing said he could not help me and that I had to wait in line. Little Miss Impatient inquired whether or not my old boarding pass for the 7:30 pm flight that day was still active, since I still had a copy, and he suggested I get through security and then get it straightened out at the United Customer Service booth I was all too familiar with now. (side note again - the line inside the terminal at Customer Service was approx. 9 people. The line outside of security at check-in was approx. 100 people.)

I glided through security with only one person in front of me - someone who took my bins while I was struggling with my laptop and whom I gave absolute death glares to the entire time. He appeared to be one of those REALLY IMPORTANT people and literally took bins from me while there was a whole stack right in front of him, but yet didn't know he had to keep his boarding pass and not send it through the X-Ray machine, and had to take off his shoes and belt, and wasted my time completely while I had valuable time to waste eating Chicago-style pizza and drinking my beloved Starbucks. Oh, the humanity.

After I got through, I stood in the ridiculously short line and explained my plight. The man was thankfully in a good mood and informed me that I was checked in to three different flights at once (?) and that he'd correct everything for me and hey, bonus, here's a window seat.

So yes, after changing my flight four times, United was still nice enough not to charge me for the switches and managed to acknowledge my almost pathological need to have a window seat. They didn't have to, and they didn't have to be nice - but all I had to do was be nice to them. Go figure.

So I'm now at Gate 22, waiting patiently for my 4:30 pm flight (which has been delayed to 7:00 pm or so, it's 6:15 pm now) thankful that I didn't just stay on the 7:30 pm flight (which is now delayed to 9:00 pm), and shoving Vicks Throat Lozenges into my face as fast as I can (take every two hours, my ass). The people watching is mediocre, as was the Chicago-style pizza, but if United can handle my schizophrenic flight-switching, I guess I can handle just about anything.